Sunday, December 5, 2010

Breaking Free

I didn't get to sit and make a mandala until late in the day. I could have easily watched TV if there were something worth watching, but nope... how could there be so many channels with absolutely NOTHING good on any of them!
But maybe that is a good thing, because it's better I go and create... and that's what I did.
I found that I didn't like where this mandala was going and actually thought it to be ugly and that I was screwing it up. This is rare that I find myself thinking this, but I did notice that they were a lot of judgemental thoughts going on inside my head... stuff that the day brought, disappointments, etc. I was releasing it onto the paper.
It was after most of the mandala was finished when my thoughts had shifted and I began to read it's message.
Breaking free from what chains me to the past.. past behaviours, bad habits, unconscious behaviors that stay with us from our childhood, behaviours we pick up from our parents.
This has been coming to the surface lately. My "reactions" that are habitual and are in need of changing... releasing myself from them, knowing that I can grow from here into a different way of being.. not reacting, but responding in a more spiritual way.
So, in my perspective of all of it, I can see what I don't like being mirrored back to me. Not appreciating behaviours I see "out there" and knowing that it is something I do not like in myself.. I have been there, I have done that very same thing.. I have been that inconsiderate, irresponsible and I do not like that I've been there and try hard not to do it again. It's showing up in "the mirror" - in others and I get it.
How I respond to this is what I need to deal with. Speak my truth, how I feel... instead of holding it in, the mother influence. Silence.
Silence doesn't upset the "apple cart"... doesn't keep the peace. What it DOES do is make one sick. This silence that sits inside, festering, hurting speaks to us in our body.
Sore throats, laryngitis.. the body speaks.
We need to listen.
I need to break free from those chains, those old outworn behaviours.
Release it and let it go.. spin it out, send it out into the atmosphere - high into the sky.. shooting it into the sky like Saggitarius' arrows... gone.
New moon, I welcome you.

1 comment:

LauraX said...

So much said here, so much growth and release in the process of creating this mandala...like a floodgate opening liquid healing from your soul and pouring it out into the world through your art and words...Beautiful, my friend, beautiful.