Saturday, December 18, 2010

Trail of Love

Finally spending more time in the art room. As I sit and paint or doodle, I make some notes on how this space can work more efficiently. I still have supplies tucked deep into the closet and I still need some shelving for materials that need to be more accessible.
Thought about the rug too and a need for something to cover it.. another thin cheap rug so as not to get any paint on it.
I've been playing around with cards.. taking what I have, altering the image a bit and printing the image on cards to send... leave a little love in the mail... and possibly have some for the show.
Started a canvas today too. It's been so love since I've painted on canvas and it feels great!
I did some smaller works with some water colors, but it's in a journal, and I need some art for the show...mandalas and assemblages. I won't have a lot of wall space, so I will have mostly assemblages or small mandalas.
Most importantly, it gives me the motivation to give myself equal time for creating. I lose my balance when I don't allow myself this time. I have to give it to myself and only I can do that.. I cannot wait for others to say, Hey, why don't you go home or into your studio to create.. John comes closest to doing this, I must say, but although I hear comments about how much is on my plate, I don't hear anyone say, go, do something for yourself.. I'll take care of this.
Although, on Thursday when my sweet brother said he'd take the wheelchair down the stairs.. I caught myself... I covered my mouth so those words.. "oh, that's ok, I'll do it" wouldn't come out of my mouth... "why thank you!" YES! and I laughed and we discussed taking advantage of an opportunity for help.
Why is it that I am comfortable helping, but not so much being helped and I do want help... yes! I do need it at times and still find it hard to ask.
Where in the world does that come from (MOM)??!!??
Independence is something that is cherished. My mom had the hardest time when she realized she had lost some of it and needed to rely on others for help. It depressed her for a while, but I told her, it was her time... all the things she did for us, raising 5 kids.. she deserved to be helped!
She's ok with this now, with some frustration flaring up once in a while.
Here too is balance.. although she thinks it is I who am taking care of her, she is there for me as well.. me and John. There to listen to me, to him, and that is something I needed so badly this past year.. I so appreciate her. I'm glad I can be there for her.
I'm glad I'm here for John.. the process of healing goes so much better when one is surrounded by love.
So, as best I can, I leave a trail of love behind me.
Grateful I can be there and help.
I refill the well with time for me and my art.
Love heals.
Art heals.

1 comment:

LauraX said...

Beautiful...I'm so happy to read that you are making time for your own creativity, and refilling your well. AND that you are learning to accept help, this is hard, believe me, I KNOW, but so very important for you and John right now.

gentle steps