Chaos alert!

I think I need to start recording this with photos. There was a moment of chaos today, but I stopped and put some "stuff" in order and I felt better. I need to keep a handle on all this and not let it get out of control... and I can see that it can - very quickly!

More boxes packed today.. some photo albums, my portfolio, some art supplies.. but the day was cut up too much with other obligations.

tomorrow is another day. I drop John off at the hospital and will come home to work on the living room... behind the chair.. in the closet....oooooh, scary... haven't been in there in a very long time. My paintings are there and supplies. They've become so inaccessible that I cannot imagine the dust!

I've packed up some art work that other people have done from RR's. The metal project is one of my favorites, but art dolls and some other art journals too.

I put some clothes in a bag for goodwill or the thrift shop.. some books went to the library, but they won't take any more... lack of room.

I found some paint which is still good and I'll use for living room and dining room. Have the bedroom paint as well, but I am not sure about the art room.

This I really need to think about and of course that is the first room available for me to paint.

It's an east window... facing the back, and only one window.. it's also the "fame and reputation" center which calls for red but no way will I paint a room red... especially an art room.

I'll have to sleep on it and then visit the paint store tomorrow.

Today was the last day of camp and "coincidentally" the call came to say they would most likely be moved out by the 24th... which means we can pretty safely say we'll be moved in for Sept. 1.

The last two days have been good with everything coming together, flowing and moving toward a positive direction. Information coming to us that we had been waiting for.

Movement towards.

It is hard to wait.. wait for the next step, but it all has it's place.

Waiting teaches us patience but also teaches us to trust.

Trust the process. The timing of events happens in it's own course. Not my will, but Thine!

The ebb and flow of movement, like the phases of the moon. Sometimes it is time to wait, to rest, to plan... then to see the movement, the growth, just like watching the new moon waxing.

It teaches me. I learn to accept, to allow. I am more comfortable being the one to give, take care of but I am now receiving the help from others. Accept it. Allow the gifts, the help.. it is the greater ebb and flow.. I give. I receive. It is a blessing I am learning to accept graciously.

It is an odd role for me. "oh, no.. that's ok, I'll do it...." and why - why did I always feel I must carry on the weight with out asking for help. It is not a familiar role for me to ask anyone for help.. and now, I have not asked, but am being offered. That is why the feels more like a gift from the Universe.. special people, like angels - offering help in many forms.

I am grateful.

Tomorrow starts the serious packing. Knowing there is a better chance of this move occurring before the end of the month, I can get myself in gear. Motivation!

I am feeling very blessed.

Tomorrow, I work in the art room.

view point

One of the reasons I like to mindlessly doodle in these circles, is to allow what ever comes up on the page, to speak to me.. me speaking to myself.
Higher Self to this everyday self who tries to keep it all together.
It also came out of me after I bought a brand new sketchbook and having a ridiculous argument with my husband. There are times I just lose it, get so frustrated with the issue of communicating that my tone of voice betrays me.
I cannot speak so I go to the mandala, the doodle or clean.
Like this "zendala", there are differing points of view. Once I finish, I like turning it around to see it from a different perspective - much easier to do on paper than in a relationship at times :-)
One view I see houses, on water -emotional waves, calm to stormy- underneath the stars... and with the heavens carrying on their own magic. That magic we tend to forget.
From a different perspective, those houses are the rays of the sun transforming life. From crawling, cocooning to spreading my wings.. buzzing through life.. trying to hold on too tightly until my inner self tells me to let go.. just let go!
Go have a picnic!
It's all a matter of perspective. I try not to slide back into the fear-zone, allow my eyes to see the magic in all of life, the spiritual awakening of each blessing.. that we live on the planet - in our bodies - which is just so totally amazing! Embrace the wonder of it.
That is the perspective I wish to stay with, not the small, frustrated "please listen to what I am saying" self that needs to be right. I do wish to be understood, but I also realize that package needs to come with patience.
I need to remember to turn the page and see with new eyes.

Being present with the process

While packing up the books.. choosing what to keep and what to release, I am for the most part being with the process. When I step back, look at the bigger picture, panic surfaces.. but I know it is a process, and I need to take it one step at a time.
I set free one bookcase this evening.
I got stuck on the stairway, and thankfully Patty came home and helped me getting to the garbage.
I did it.
Now boxes are stacked in it's place. I need more boxes so it's time to rest.
I feel good though. Some of the books are going to the children's center, and some I'm bringing to camp.
Once the books are done, which will take a while.. I'll start in with the art room.
I packed up a box of albums. Some of these I am not ready to part with and I'm not sure why. I feel they need a really good home if they are to leave.... either that or find a record player :-)
Some crappy albums I've used for art. Children collaged on them for a show and I've created mandalas on others. But there are some album covers that are art in themselves!
It is a baby step, but I am moving forward.
One book - a gem- is called A Lazy Man's Guide to Enlightenment and found it to be perfect timing for me to read it.
Love all of it. Love each moment and if you don't like where you are, love yourself for being in that state of mind... it's all about loving it. Loving yourself and loving that we are here for the journey.. I mean after all.. it's just a glorious journey of ups and downs.. and you just have to enjoy the ride for what it is. Even the sorrows, love that you can feel them.
So, that is my challenge. To Be Here Now.. enjoy it for what it is and not get so crazy about it.
Tomorrow, more boxes.

A month to move

How can I make this fun and at the same time record, analyze this process and to be sure I keep my balance with all that is going on. I'll have to post some pictures during this mad process - but for now i need to just write.

I have lived here for 33 years.. same apartment.. small. Four rooms and pretty much packed with stuff ... art stuff and books take up most of the space.

Art stuff includes art supplies for myself, art supplies for the classes I teach and art work I have created - both mine and my husbands.

Being that it is a small space, I created shelving. Both beds were built by me and my husband. They are like decks and actually, that's where I got the idea from. My mom was having a deck built and I followed that same process. It's about 4 ft. high and worked really well for storage underneath. I followed it up by building one for Jake... only this time I tried doing it myself.. the impatient part of myself soon learned it wasn't the best idea, but I did it anyway.

Once Jake moved out, his bed became a table to work on and being that it was against the wall, it seemed reasonable that shelves would soon follow.. up to the ceiling... and of course, great storage underneath.

Besides the two beds, other shelves were built for books. Many, many books. John seems to think a good 60% of all our stuff is books and I think I may have to agree.. at least 60%.

And that's were I started.

Day one:

Packing books.

The Virgo rising part of me knew there would have to be some organizing I'd have to do with this.. sorting them into categories. This way art books can go into the art room, my astrology, yoga and spirituality books into the bedroom... I have two full (and heavy) boxes with just yoga books and there are probably enough to fill another box. Not sure what to do with all the yoga magazines yet.

Art books get divided into teaching children, art instruction, art/spirituality and there is a tower of them so far.

Novels are easy enough to let go of...not so much these other books.

I still have my first copy of Be Here Now by Ram Dass!

So, this is day one. The idea of today was to empty one bookcase in the bedroom and get rid of the book case which I built to make some room to stack these boxes.

What I keep in sight is how we will have more space in this new place, and that keeps me motivated. A new art room to set up....

and now - back to work.